Twas the Night Before Fratmas
Twas the night before Christmas break, and all through the house
Not a sorostitute was stirring, not even a mouse.
The Vera Bradley duffels were packed by the door with care,
In hopes that the end of classes would soon would be there.
The girls were nestled all snug in their beds,
While visions of David Yurman and national championships danced in their heads.
And the House Mom in her ‘kerchief, and Mike [security guard] in his cap,
Had just settled the details for what to do without all this crap.
When through the back door there arose such a clatter,
Mike sprang from the living room to see what was the matter.
Away to the front door the boys flew like a flash,
Tore through the coded doors without needing to ask.
With a get away driver, so creepy and quick,
Mike knew in a moment it must be some pricks.
More rapid than eagles these streakers they came,
And they whistled, and shouted, and then ran away!
“Now FIJI! now, SAE! now, Sig Ep and Delt!
On, Sigma Chi! On, Sammy! on, on Phi Psi and Zeeb
To the back door of the house! to the top of the stairs!
Now frat away! frat away! frat away all!”
As dry leaves that through west campus fly,
When they meet with an obstacle, mount to the sky.
So up through the house the streakers they flew,
With the Tahoe full of pledge brothers waiting, and Natty Light too.
And then, in a twinkling, Mike heard on the roof
The drunken stumbling of each little goof.
As he drew in his head, and was turning around,
Down the chimney Fratty Clause came with a bound.
He was dressed all in polo, from his head to his foot,
And his clothes were all tarnished with ashes and soot.
A bundle of beers he had flung on his back,
And he looked like a peddler, just opening his pack.
His eyes-how bloodshot! his dimples how fratty!
His cheeks were like roses, he smelled strongly of natty!
His droll little mouth was drawn up like a bow,
And the powder on his nose was as white as the snow.
The stump of a joint he held tight in his teeth,
And the smoke it encircled his head like a wreath.
He had a broad face and a little beer belly,
That shook when he laughed, like a bowlful of jelly!
He was chubby and plump, a right jolly old frat boy,
And Mike laughed when he saw him, in spite of being annoyed!
A wink of his eye and a twist of his hat,
Soon let Mike know he was nothing but frat.
He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work,
And filled all the stockings with beer, turned out he wasn’t a jerk.
And laying his finger aside of his nose,
And giving a nod, up the cocaine it rose!
He sprang to his Tahoe, to his pledges gave a whistle,
And away they all drove away like the down of a thistle.
But I heard him exclaim, ‘ere he drove out of sight,
“Happy Fratmas to all, and to all TEXAS FIGHT!”
